Sunday, November 29, 2015

Progress, not perfection.

It has come to my attention that I am a perfectionist.

And while I don't consider myself perfect, or by any means a type-A personality, there are so many characteristics that I DO find to be lurking around my life that prevent from being my fully authentic self.

Let's start with procrastination.  Good Lord, do I procrastinate.  And it's been at an all time high these days, and even though I'm aware of it, and I know that it's not doing me any good, I still manage to put off all the things that I know I want to be doing/should be doing/need to be doing.  This happens for a couple reasons:  first being, that I tend to think that whatever I'm avoiding is going to take longer than I think.  For instance, I'll put off putting away my laundry because it's probably going to take like 10 hours.  Reality check: it took only 5 minutes.  Mayyyybe 7.

Even this morning, I was weighing on whether or not I should go to a new yoga studio to redeem a free class.  "Ehhh, there will be so many people, everyone is more advanced than me...I can practice at home", but the moment I signed up, I knew I had to show up and that there was no backing out.  Yes, going to a new space or experience is scary, but it's also thrilling and exciting.  And wouldn't you know, that I get there and the class was only 5 people and the people working there absolutely welcoming and helpful.

What I'm getting at, is that there is this idea that we need to know everything before we do it.  We need to know what we're getting ourselves into, what the environment is like.  Or at least, I feel  I do. I can get so comfortable with my surroundings that I inhibit everything new that comes into my life.  Probably because I'm judging it (which is really me judging myself).

TIME.  Waiting for the right time, the right moment, the right weather (again, that ol' procrastination) is something that keeps me in analysis paralysis.  I had no idea that the reason why I was procrastinating so much was because I was waiting for these "right" conditions.  News flash:: there are no right conditions! In fact, it's always the right time to begin and end something.  The sign you've been waiting for is the feeling that it's time to move on, that something else is coming.  You only need your own permission to move forward, not anyone else's.

With all this in mind, I've decided to embrace my imperfections and flaws, and really move into deeper transparency.  It's gonna be a bit bumpy and messy now.  But I think that by even making this choice and decision, is already moving towards greater authenticity and self-expression.  It's not being foolish or reckless, it's simply allowing my humanity to showcase through me and allowing others to see that.  In whatever way it may come.

Side note: Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you had a bountiful holiday with the ones you love, and got lots of pumpkin pie and turkey leftovers :)

Friday, November 6, 2015

Sweet November.

As the weather's been cooling down and the days have been getting shorter, it's been so enchanting to see the leaves change color and begin their transition to winter.  I'm always stunned to see colors of crimson, effervescent yellow and burnt orange dance on every corner.  Autumn is my favorite season, and I find myself nostalgic for it, even as it's happening around me.  And although it may seem small, change is definitely in the air.

Earlier this week, I attended a spiritual lecture at the SF Women's Center and got to meet the lovely Shannon Kaiser, who has been an ongoing source of inspiration for me.  The evening centered around the idea of transformation and having courage to surrender to what is in order to allow what will be.  This is something that I have recently found to be challenging, especially in the digital age where instant gratification and immediacy are so strong.  It was a gentle reminder that we all go through an annual period of transformation and change, and that light can still be found even in the darkest of days.  Along with this quote:

"The trees are about to show us
how lovely it is to let the dead things go."

Fall is such a beautiful time to let go of anything we no longer need.  Whether it's a old habit or limited mindset, now is the perfect time to take stock and ask yourself, what am I holding on to that isn't serving me?  What can I release?  How can I find gratitude for what is? Your answers may vary, and might not come in an instant.  Trust that you will be given exactly what you need in the very moment you need it.

In the mean time I invite you to cozy up with hot beverage, a good book and let the rest take care of itself.