It has come to my attention that I am a perfectionist.
And while I don't consider myself perfect, or by any means a type-A personality, there are so many characteristics that I DO find to be lurking around my life that prevent from being my fully authentic self.
Let's start with procrastination. Good Lord, do I procrastinate. And it's been at an all time high these days, and even though I'm aware of it, and I know that it's not doing me any good, I still manage to put off all the things that I know I want to be doing/should be doing/need to be doing. This happens for a couple reasons: first being, that I tend to think that whatever I'm avoiding is going to take longer than I think. For instance, I'll put off putting away my laundry because it's probably going to take like 10 hours. Reality check: it took only 5 minutes. Mayyyybe 7.
Even this morning, I was weighing on whether or not I should go to a new yoga studio to redeem a free class. "Ehhh, there will be so many people, everyone is more advanced than me...I can practice at home", but the moment I signed up, I knew I had to show up and that there was no backing out. Yes, going to a new space or experience is scary, but it's also thrilling and exciting. And wouldn't you know, that I get there and the class was only 5 people and the people working there absolutely welcoming and helpful.
What I'm getting at, is that there is this idea that we need to know everything before we do it. We need to know what we're getting ourselves into, what the environment is like. Or at least, I feel I do. I can get so comfortable with my surroundings that I inhibit everything new that comes into my life. Probably because I'm judging it (which is really me judging myself).
TIME. Waiting for the right time, the right moment, the right weather (again, that ol' procrastination) is something that keeps me in analysis paralysis. I had no idea that the reason why I was procrastinating so much was because I was waiting for these "right" conditions. News flash:: there are no right conditions! In fact, it's always the right time to begin and end something. The sign you've been waiting for is the feeling that it's time to move on, that something else is coming. You only need your own permission to move forward, not anyone else's.
With all this in mind, I've decided to embrace my imperfections and flaws, and really move into deeper transparency. It's gonna be a bit bumpy and messy now. But I think that by even making this choice and decision, is already moving towards greater authenticity and self-expression. It's not being foolish or reckless, it's simply allowing my humanity to showcase through me and allowing others to see that. In whatever way it may come.
Side note: Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you had a bountiful holiday with the ones you love, and got lots of pumpkin pie and turkey leftovers :)