On 2016

Last week was such a whirlwind, I'm just now having the time to properly honor the year that was a remarkable one.  Feel free to jump ahead, if you just want lessons learned :)

In January, I began my year returning to LA after a three month hiatus, feeling refreshed and renewed.  I returned to my restaurant job of 5 years, and felt the simple joy of being in a familiar environment again.  One month later, still feeling called to pursue acting in some capacity, I auditioned for my MFA in San Francisco.  I received some offers, but none that really resonated with me.  Not too long after that, I found out that for two years (2013-2014) I had been subject to tax preparer fraud and would spend the next several weeks feeling a mixture of helplessness, paranoia and outright fury.  After a lot of crying, and mailing a huge package to correct the process, I was able to feel a sense of normalcy again (however, still resolving this to date).  

As Spring approached, I still felt like I was missing something in my life.  I had routine, structure and hobbies, yet felt like there was more I could experience.  The answer came in May, when I got to be ‘Birdie’ at Camp Grounded, and experience a weekend that forever changed my life.  I sang in front of new friends, felt the freedom of not needing my phone and made deep, lasting connections with people that I consider my chosen family.  June came, and I got to re-live my camp experience, this time as ‘Chickpea’, a Tribe Guide at Camp Wildfolk.  I learned just how much energy and dedication it takes to work with children, and how I probably won’t venture into education any time soon.  

Summer ended with Evolving Out Loud in August, where I learned I am not my feelings and emotions, I am the container that holds it all.  Magic happened that weekend, and I soon serendipitously stumbled upon an event called Conscious Family Dinner.  Having no idea what I was getting into, and showing up solo, I found a beautiful community that embraced me, made me feel valued and celebrated and am so proud to have grown into.  November rattled me by obliterating my presidential expectations, and yet, I chose to experience a deeper calling as I enrolled and completed the Insight Seminar I, the weekend after the election took place.  Celebrated another year around the sun.  Two trips to Ojai.  December brought joy again, with holiday lights and feelings of gladness to just be alive at this time.  All of this year to culminate with the news of Gulfstream’s closing and my choice to move on to a new venture and chapter of my life.  

Looking back, I remember that at each of these moments, I had no idea what would happen next or where it would lead to.  Yet, all these seemingly random patches of life, became the essential fabric that weaved me through the year, opened my heart and showed me a level of life I always longed for, but could never articulate. 

As I step into this new year, or rather, a continuation of the previous, I choose to peacefully step into the realm of not knowing.  Change, uncertainty and pain will continue to arrive, and how we choose to respond is ultimately where we have the greatest freedom.  And just because you change your circumstances and outer scenery, does not mean that you resolve an inner conflict.  It takes time, patience and ultimately, self-compassion to move through the patterns and challenges of your life.  Wherever you go, there you are.  

With that, I wish you all a beautiful, joyous and transformative 2017! I’ll be right there on the ride with you ;) 

Hey, 2016.

After taking some much needed time away from LA, I've finally returned to my home and am very content.  This year calls for great transformation (that's my word) and while I've got some plans and intentions in the works, I can definitely say that I'm much more at peace with where I'm at in my life.  And for me, that's a huge win.

Coming off the holiday season where there can be a lot of stress, tension and excitement, some folks might feel this grand pressure to have everything squared away by January 1st.  With all this hype and anticipation over resolutions, making change and getting to the gym, it can leave you in a dizzying spell.  And while I'm alllll about implementing change (especially when the new year chimes in), I've chosen a different way this time.  

Over my break, I read a great book titled, 'Stop Self-Sabotage' by Pat Pearson, and one of my favorite exercises she includes is using the phrase, I am in the process... or I am choosing....  instead of I will do.... I have decided to....This eases your mind out of the stress or anxiety that may follow from making such an extreme or hard decision (unless that’s your style, in which case, go for it).  I’m speaking to those who might desire a gentler approach, a more compassionate route to following through with their intentions and goals. 

I’ve made resolutions in the past, and they’ve sometimes left me feeling like a failure.  Like I 

couldn’t keep my promise to myself no matter how hard I tried.  Eventually, I'd lead myself into a downward spiral of self-pity and over indulgence.  I tend to get very pensive about life and myself (it’s one of those INFP qualities that I love) and while it's a great tool for me, it can also get me lost in my head, about my place in the world, and spinning on questions like, "What does it all mean? Am I doing the right thing? Will this ever change?".  I'm beginning to understand that it all really comes down to me, and what my spirit is calling for me to do.  Not what everyone else is doing, or what seems cool and trendy, but to selflessly search my whole heart, seek out my gifts, and begin sharing them with the world.  

I am still to this day, endlessly fascinated with humanity, how the mind works, why people do the things that they do and how the body plays into all of this.  My endless curiosity is driven by the desire to understand the connection between it all (the cosmos and us), and help bridge the gap on all of these seemingly separate entities.  

"As above, so below"

P.S. A friendly reminder to my astrology folk out there, that Mercury is currently in retrograde.  For those who aren’t familiar, it’s an occurance that takes place 3-4 times a year and is a time of miscommunication, unclear thinking and judgement, and breakdown of equipment.  My two favorite sites to geek out about this you can find here and here.  

Merry & Bright.

The holidays.  While this time of year can be a joyous one, and it can also be difficult.  The year is coming to a close, and with darkness taking over the light, we can find ourselves in circumstances that bring up a lot of discomfort or unease.  With the rushing madness of gifts, parties and family time, you may find yourself more stressed out that renewed.  I tend to be more of an introvert, so too much family time is a sure fire way for me to want and hide in a cave for a week to recover.  

To anyone who might be feeling out of sorts, going through a breakup or deep personal transformation, know that you are not alone.  In the way you feel, and also in your life.  I myself, am finishing an arduous year, and have been through more uncertainty in the last few months, than I can recall.  I’ve been challenged to face the darkest parts of myself, clean out the cobwebs of my past and find my own voice in a culture and society that prefers conformity.  Give yourself the time and space to take care of you and your needs, and allow the experience to pass.  It can seem like an eternity, but it eventually will.  This is still something I’m working on, but I’m ready to take the lessons I’ve learned, the ones I’m still learning and whatever curriculum I have ahead of me into 2016;  with continued clarity, depth and truth.  

However you choose to spend your holiday, be it with family, friends or solo, know that you are a soul having a human experience.  Learn to ride the ups and downs, for it is the journey.   

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year :)

Progress, not perfection.

It has come to my attention that I am a perfectionist.

And while I don't consider myself perfect, or by any means a type-A personality, there are so many characteristics that I DO find to be lurking around my life that prevent from being my fully authentic self.

Let's start with procrastination.  Good Lord, do I procrastinate.  And it's been at an all time high these days, and even though I'm aware of it, and I know that it's not doing me any good, I still manage to put off all the things that I know I want to be doing/should be doing/need to be doing.  This happens for a couple reasons:  first being, that I tend to think that whatever I'm avoiding is going to take longer than I think.  For instance, I'll put off putting away my laundry because it's probably going to take like 10 hours.  Reality check: it took only 5 minutes.  Mayyyybe 7.

Even this morning, I was weighing on whether or not I should go to a new yoga studio to redeem a free class.  "Ehhh, there will be so many people, everyone is more advanced than me...I can practice at home", but the moment I signed up, I knew I had to show up and that there was no backing out.  Yes, going to a new space or experience is scary, but it's also thrilling and exciting.  And wouldn't you know, that I get there and the class was only 5 people and the people working there absolutely welcoming and helpful.

What I'm getting at, is that there is this idea that we need to know everything before we do it.  We need to know what we're getting ourselves into, what the environment is like.  Or at least, I feel  I do. I can get so comfortable with my surroundings that I inhibit everything new that comes into my life.  Probably because I'm judging it (which is really me judging myself).

TIME.  Waiting for the right time, the right moment, the right weather (again, that ol' procrastination) is something that keeps me in analysis paralysis.  I had no idea that the reason why I was procrastinating so much was because I was waiting for these "right" conditions.  News flash:: there are no right conditions! In fact, it's always the right time to begin and end something.  The sign you've been waiting for is the feeling that it's time to move on, that something else is coming.  You only need your own permission to move forward, not anyone else's.

With all this in mind, I've decided to embrace my imperfections and flaws, and really move into deeper transparency.  It's gonna be a bit bumpy and messy now.  But I think that by even making this choice and decision, is already moving towards greater authenticity and self-expression.  It's not being foolish or reckless, it's simply allowing my humanity to showcase through me and allowing others to see that.  In whatever way it may come.

Side note: Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you had a bountiful holiday with the ones you love, and got lots of pumpkin pie and turkey leftovers :)

Sweet November.

As the weather's been cooling down and the days have been getting shorter, it's been so enchanting to see the leaves change color and begin their transition to winter.  I'm always stunned to see colors of crimson, effervescent yellow and burnt orange dance on every corner.  Autumn is my favorite season, and I find myself nostalgic for it, even as it's happening around me.  And although it may seem small, change is definitely in the air.

Earlier this week, I attended a spiritual lecture at the SF Women's Center and got to meet the lovely Shannon Kaiser, who has been an ongoing source of inspiration for me.  The evening centered around the idea of transformation and having courage to surrender to what is in order to allow what will be.  This is something that I have recently found to be challenging, especially in the digital age where instant gratification and immediacy are so strong.  It was a gentle reminder that we all go through an annual period of transformation and change, and that light can still be found even in the darkest of days.  Along with this quote:

"The trees are about to show us

how lovely it is to let the dead things go."

Fall is such a beautiful time to let go of anything we no longer need.  Whether it's a old habit or limited mindset, now is the perfect time to take stock and ask yourself, what am I holding on to that isn't serving me?  What can I release?  How can I find gratitude for what is? Your answers may vary, and might not come in an instant.  Trust that you will be given exactly what you need in the very moment you need it.

In the mean time I invite you to cozy up with hot beverage, a good book and let the rest take care of itself.

On Podcasts.

Living in LA, you spend a lot of time in your car, battling through rush hour and long commutes.  Over the years, this has become one of the more enjoyable aspects about the city ( hear me out ) because I get to listen to all my favorite radio shows.  If you haven't already jumped on the podcast bandwagon, now's your chance.

Of course, I assume that everyone is tuning into KPCC and KCRW on a regular basis, but perhaps some of you could use a beginner's guide to podcasts.  These are my personal favorites as well as the wildly popular ones:

For the epicurious:
Good Food with Evan Kleinman: I adore this woman.  Every week, she rounds up the most fascinating culinary stories and interviews with some of the pioneers of the industry.  If you don't start cooking or thinking about food within 10 minutes, you could be a robot.

For the creative:
TED Radio Hour: Ever watch a TED talk? Same concept, except it's been formatted to fit your ears.

For the storyteller:
The Moth: This was the show that first got my hooked into radio.  The Moth is a non-profit that fronts itself with the slogan, "True stories told in front of a live audience".  Actors, writers, journalists even everyday folks tell stories that are hilarious, dark or moving in some capacity.  You can even venture to a live performance here.

For the inquisitive:
Radiolab: A smart and fascinating in-depth look at a variety of topics.  What I love most about this one is that you feel like you accidentally dropped in on a scientists lab room and you're aren't leaving anytime soon.

For the domesticated:
A Prairie Home Companion: Garrison Keillor leads this program with the style of an old variety show.  I imagine families back in 1945 huddled around the radio and eating Jiffy pop.  He always ends the show with a brief lecture called 'The News from Lake Wobegon' which has a sermonic feel, as though Father time himself was speaking directly to you.

For the introspective:
On Being: This is a newer one for me, but the fact that Krista Tippett interviews so many leaders of the world in such a comfortable, inviting atmosphere makes this a perfect accompaniment when you're craving some meaningful conversation.

Whether you're in traffic, getting some exercise outdoors or just prepping for dinner, podcasts and radio are an exciting world to get lost in.

Happy listening!

.: Anais :.

On 2015.

Happy New Year! We're day three into what seems to be a promising and outstanding year.  I can feel it.

Malibu, Calif.

After the Christmas chaos and New Year's champagne had been sipped, it was nice to settle into the calm weekend and really allow for some self-reflection and evaluation.  While I create intentions and goals every January 1st, this year I did it a little differently.

One of my favorite writers, Danielle LaPorte, has a fantastic book called 'The Desire Map', which is all about finding your Core Desired Feelings.

"You're not chasing a goal, you're chasing a feeling."

Other than her just being a knock-out spiritual warrior of a woman, I love the concept of building our lives and dreams intrinsically.  So often, we can run around chasing something we think we want, only to attain it and end up feeling more empty or disappointed than before.  I've been working on my CDFs for the past few months, and fiiiiinally whittled 'em down to these five:

EXPANSIVE

AUTHENTIC

DARING

IN FLOW

NOURISHED

Daring. That one makes my stomach flip.  In a good way ;)

What are some of your New Year resolutions or goals? Any words that come to mind, heart and soul?  I invite you all to conduct your own ritual of sorts, and get cozy with yourself and your wanting. 

keep mining + shining,

Anais 

Sunday slowdown.

Sundays are by far, my favorite day of the week.  There is such a gentle calm that overlays the day, as if time has stopped for a bit.  We all can breathe a little easier.  You find you have an extra hour or two to pick up that novel you've been wanting to read, a few extra dollars to treat yourself to an iced coffee, or perhaps an afternoon nap with no responsibilities.  Whatever the indulgence is, Sunday gives us all (and me especially) the permission that we seek throughout the week to just sloooow down.

My Sundays consist of stocking up on produce via the Farmer's Market, quieting my mind with a neighborhood run or yoga practice, and catching the latest episode of Super Soul Sunday where I can fill my spiritual tank for the week ahead.  If you haven't heard of this show, I urge you to get your favorite tea, a blanket (if you're anywhere else but LA) and get cozy for an hour.  Oprah sits down with writers, teachers, actors (sometimes under her beautiful Oak trees) and they share a conversation about life and living with an open heart and spirit.  The episode usually ends with a sweet, light-hearted short film that encapsulates the episode.  I actually got the honor to be in one of these videos, and it was by far one of the best days I've experienced.  If you're feeling like you need a little love, check it out here.

Some of the lessons I've been focusing on is living with more grace, and opening myself up to allow more love into my life.  Not to be confused with romantic love (although it does play a part), but rather unconditional love.  The kind of love we all have access to, yet close off when enduring difficult times.  Some of the questions I ask myself daily : How can I deepen my practice of self-love? How can I love the people I'm surrounded by? How can I allow more light and love into my daily practice of living in the moment? I invite you to look at the areas of your life that could use a little love.  After all, that's what we really want, isn't it?

Happy Sunday ;)

What Being Sick Showed Me

While most of the population spent their Labor Day weekends outdoors grilling, or by the coastal seaside building sandcastles, I spent the majority of my weekend (and pre-weekend) fast asleep in my bed battling a terrible head cold.

It did not come as any surprise that I fell ill.  For the month of August, there were many workshops, gatherings, goodbyes, birthdays and social outings.  While most of these are positives in my life, I found myself struggling to maintain it all, as if I was in a daily marathon.  In the past, when I’ve overloaded my schedule, it usually fights back and sentences me to a silly cold, all the while telling me to slow down.  In any case, it’s always an opportunity to re-align myself to better health.  Which leads to the following lessons:

Self Care is a must.  Seems obvious, right? We all lead such extraordinary lives, did we ever stop to consider taking a break?  Heck, even superheroes need some time off.  Knowing when your body needs some good ol’ R&R is a powerful thing.  This can include spending a day reading that novel you started 6 months ago, taking a long walk in nature, or just turning off your electronic devices and leaving the emails/web surfing for another day.  Trust me, it will all still be there.

Know when to say NO.  We all want to say yes to people, yes to the event, yes to the birthdays, for fear of missing out, or simply the fear of just honoring ourselves and saying no. I’m well aware of the times when my mouth says ‘yes’ while my soul and interior is saying, ‘Just stay home.  You need to take it easy’.

Silence is powerful.  In the midst of my body aches, I lost my voice and while it was painful, I have to admit, there was some relief in not having to speak all the time.  I had to listen more to myself, to my surroundings and really got more intimate with what my body was asking my for, which was to simply quiet down and rest.  You’d be surprised at how much you learn about yourself and your world when you dial down.

As summer comes to an end, and fall picks up, remember to take a moment and take care of yourself.  And pass me a kleenex please ;)

.:Anais:.

Found.

The clouds have been lifted.  Today is a beautiful, clear, blue-skied day.  

These past few weeks, my mind has been ruled by the evil monster of self-doubt and anxiety (I have yet to name this beast), causing me to seriously consider leaving and give up this whole profession.   The cancerous thought that began in your mind, sinks down into your heart, and eventually leaks into your soul.  And as hard as you try, no matter how many mantras you chant or spiritual books you've read, it doesn't soothe.  The remedy is no where to be found.

Yet, the small, ounce sized part of you that is buried beneath black lies makes you keep going.  Even when you don't want to.  And you pick yourself up, and drive through traffic, drag you feet up the stairs and find yourself in a classroom.  A classroom you've been to hundreds of times, full of people who have seen you laugh, and cry and everything in between.  These are the people who know you for who you really are.

And you find yourself again.

And it feels like home. 

Life Rules.

This weekend, I completed my first improv class.  I cannot believe how quickly it's gone by.  It seems like just yesterday, I was walking up my street, coffee in hand, into the little theatre annex off Santa Monica/Hudson, feeling like a kid on the first day of school.  I definitely plan on keeping it going, it has been by far, one of the best things I've done for myself this year.  Not only do I have a better sense of improvisation and comedy, but I have a different perspective on life in general (see essay below).

What Improv Taught Me About Life

1) The rule of ‘Yes, AND’.  One of the fundamentals of improv.  When you are presented with an idea, you support the other person by saying ‘yes, AND’.  Even if it’s an idea you don’t like, you establish that what they’re saying is true, and then add information.  I’ve found myself saying ‘yes’ a lot more in my own life, instead of finding reasons, or excuses, to say no to opportunities.  Simple words, yet incredibly effective. 

2) Giving gifts: One of the fun exercises we do in warm-ups (besides zip-zap-zop), is giving “gifts” to our scene partners (traits, characteristics, status).  It can be as simple as making them your significant other, or telling them how great their rabbit costume is even though the invitation said ‘Black Tie Event’.   Giving gifts is great because you take the pressure off yourself by taking care of another person.  Another essential life skill.

3) Releasing the need to get it right:  This one was tough for me.  I have the tendency to want things/scenes/life to go a certain way, and why not? We’ve grown so accustomed to putting in the work, and following a certain path, only to find it didn’t go the way we intended.  Improv stripped me of this mindset.  You learn to let go, and take in what’s happening in front of you.  Even if you had a great idea for a scene as a baseball player trapped in the locker room during the 9^th inning, and now you’re working the mall charm kiosk with your worst enemy, you adjust.  There is no “right”, only better. 

4) Step out, even when in doubt: You can’t just stand up there and be a spectator.  You have to support your team, and step out even when you don’t have a whole idea.  Sounds silly, considering that it’s improv, but you’d be surprised how easily fear can take over and make you stay on the backline.  It wasn’t until the very end, that I finally understood that you just need to step out and initiate, or at the very least, support what’s happening. You’ll never be ready, until you step out and decide to be ready. 

5) Being truthful: At the end of the day, you just want to be honest and truthful.  There is such a thing as being too crazy and over the top.  What makes a scene funny, is the humanity behind it.  We laugh not because of the joke, but because we’ve see that kind of behavior, or we know people that are just like that (myself included).  It’s the human nature that we connect to and makes us laugh.  

.:Anais:.

 

Swing into Spring.

April is here, and thus, officially Spring! There's such a lovely quality to this time of year, where the air is fresh and sweet, the sun stays out longer, and the days are bright with potential and new possibilities.  I see it as a kind of "check-point" throughout the year, to see if you've kept any of your resolutions, what's working, and what you might want to get rid of; aka spring cleaning. 

LA is known it's healthy lifestyle and sunny culture, and rightly so.  We have roughly 284 cloudless days, juiceries overtaking every corner Starbucks, and a farm-to-table movement dedicated to conscious eating.  

While I feel like I've mastered the external part of eating right, and exercising, I've been making more of an effort to exercise the internal parts of me.  One of which is practicing a daily meditation.  I was always the kind of person that loved the idea of meditating, but found it difficult to sit still and "clear my mind" for an allotted time.  Usually, I'd just get frustrated (or hungry), call it quits and then carry on the rest of my day.  What really got me back into this was spending a couple minutes in the morning (usually after a run) with an idea, or an intention for the day.  You might call this daydreaming.  As it turns out, this was my gateway into meditation.  Your mind is supposed to have a thousand thoughts per day, and you're going to wander, but once you begin to fine-tune your focus on one concept, you can change your way of thinking.  It's been really helpful listening to guided meditations by the inspiring Gabrielle Bernstein, especially for someone like me who feels like their brain is more akin to Grand Central Station than a tranquil waterfall.  Nevertheless, I've found that this simple practice has opened my awareness and I actually look forward to it. 

I encourage everyone to find a little time for themselves to sit in peace during the day.  Whether that's in a full-length meditation, a cat-nap, or taking a walk outside.  It's a kind, friendly reminder to take care of yourself.  And just be present.   

 

Namaste.

Up to Speed.

I've been sick for the past three days, and I'm final feeling like a living person again!  Allergy season is always the worst, especially because I love being outdoors and breathing fresh, spring air.  I may not know my own limits, because it left me bed-ridden for the last 72 hours.  Having to slow down and take time off always makes me feel behind, but it's moments like that I realize that I need to take a break and just rest.  Health is by far one of the most important things to me, if not the most, because it's how we bring ourselves out to the world, and we strive to be in full health: body, mind and spirit,  and it's a valuable lesson to be reminded of.

Before I descended down the ill path, I got to celebrate a dear friend's birthday on Saturday.  The magical Claire Perry was turning 26, and also leaving us the next day for Las Vegas.  Funny enough, I had always imagined her being in that city, and I have no doubts that she will make quite an impact when she arrives.  We spent the day overlooking her beach view in Venice, and the followed with the most extravagent dinner at Mao's Kitchen.  We started with the Shrimp & Spinach dumplings, which arrived in a bamboo steamer with a garlic ponzu, Eggplant Pamphlet: eggplant slices stuffed with shrimp, and then fried in tempura batter, then dined on Long-Life Beans: vegetables in a black bean sauce, and The Coconut Curry that Changes Your Life: tomatoes, bok choy, celery, broccoli and chicken covered with a silky, delicious, coconut curry goodness.

Dessert was walking to the beach and catching the last rays of run before they were tucked away.  A few good snapshots with friends.  Hugs and laughter. 

Oh, and six red bean pastries.  That I ate by myself :)

Release and Allow.

 (I promise to start writing more, but in the mean time, a little blip of what's been bouncing in my brain)

I get these awesome, inspiring e-mails daily from Brian Johnson and his team over at en*theos, and below is one of the quotes I got this past weekend:

 "We need not to be afraid to touch, to feel, to show emotion.  The easiest thing in the world is to be what you are, what you feel.  The hardest thing to be is what other people want you to be."-Leo Buscaglia

I love these little nuggets of wisdom.  It reminds me that there is no perfection, only an ideal, and even then, we always have to be our authentic selves in everything we do.  Only then, do I feel, we can truly open ourselves up to who we really are and experience life like we never imagined.

With grace and sophisticated sass,
.:Anais:. 

"The road to hell...

is paved with good intentions."

What a saying.

I never understood it as a kid.  I'm all about contradictions, and I'll be the first to make a witty juxtaposition, but this one just didn't make sense.  I mean, how is it even feasible? Only recently have I finally come to understand what it means. 

In the book I'm reading right now, Deepak Chopra spends several chapters discussing suffering and darkness, and how it pertains to our lives.  It's my natural inclination to want to skip over those chapters, and continue onto the path of sunshine, rainbows and a chocolate waterfall-everything that doesn't have to do with being sad or discontented.  However, it seems to be a recurring lesson to make peace (or at least compromise) with my darkside. 

"In the unconscious, there is a full population of unexamined impulses...an artistic talent will never emerge unless the unconscious mind allows itself to release what it is holding"

Darkness is something I tend to see as unusable, or something no one would be interested in.  In fact, it's one of my great fears that if people found out who I really was, they'd probably just leave me.  He goes on to say, "...the shadow is personal and universal at the same time..." 

We are very much light as much as we are dark.  The sooner we begin to embrace both sides, the sooner we can emerge into our full selves.

I encourage everyone to welcome their fears and doubts and dark (myself included), and see what happens. 

You have my permission (and unwavering love).

.:Anais:.

Hoy!

As in 'today', or 'hey' (and also the Yiddish exclamation that I've been using a lot of lately).

So far, 2013 is proving to be a good one.  I had some doubts and reservations (which is really just my odd taste for even and symmetrical numbers), but it's shaping out quite nicely.

A friend of mine from New York came to visit earlier this week, and it was such a treat getting to spend time with her, since we seldom see one another.  I love showing my friends that come to town all my favorite spots, and just experiencing the city through their eyes.  It's like they breathe new life into something that usually is routine or mundane.  Of course, the hardest part is when they have to leave.  But then, their absence makes for the perfect excuse to make Blueberry Cornbread. 

One small cake for me, one giant cake for mankind.

Being blue isn't such a bad thing.

.:Anais:.
 






   

Ye Olde Thyme

I love Fall.

I am so completely infatuated and nostalgic for this time of year.  Autumn always brings back memories of growing up on the east coast, when the air would become crisp, and the leaves would turn, and then slowly begin to blanket our fading lawn.  I was always the one forced to rake them (against my good will), but was rewarded by jumping merrily into a big pile of crunchy, colored goodness.

I also had a slightly unhealthy obsession with the Salem Witch Trials.  I did my 4th grade report on them, and strolled in with my pointy hat, long cloak and was convinced that all I needed to prepare were some limerick-like spells, and have a plastic cauldron full of candy to hand out.  Of course, I put much more effort into it than that, and nothing else would make my after-school infatuation more pleasing than when my family would take seasonal trips up to Salem, MA.  It was there, that I got to feast my imagination and completely submerse myself into the world of witches and warlocks and all the haunted happenings that took place there.  Then, I'd go home and watch movies like 'The Crucible' and 'Sleepy Hollow' and try to relive the magical lives  of these characters. 

Me, on trial, for not cleaning my room.

These days, I don't find myself in Salem, but I did find myself in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, where my roommate and I took a guided tour, by the well-versed and educated Karie Bible.  The tour itself lasted about 2 hours, and covered only about a quarter of the cemetery itself.  Man, that place is BIG.  Most of the gravestones we learned about were from an earlier cinematic generation, including many actors I was somewhat familiar with.  It was both overwhelming and interesting to hear all the stories behind each person, most of them ending tragically, but regardless, what they left behind was a legacy of sort.

It left me feeling a bit morbid, so I had to make up for it, by indulging in a more child friendly celebration.  And what better way to do so than to bake an seasonal Apple Thyme Cake (courtesy of SpoonForkBacon), and sip bourbon cider, while watching your favorite Sanderson Sisters try and suck the lives out of little children?  By the way, if you don't watch this movie for the majesty of Bette Midler, than do the honors for the two hilarious "hoodlums" (Jay and Ernie 'Ice'). 


And be sure to buy a cinnamon broom from Trader Joe's.

...some things never change.


.:Anais:.

(almost) A Month Later.

I'd like to say that the reason why I haven't been writing much lately is because I've been sooo busy.  Untrue.  Let's recap:

A few weeks ago, I flew up to visit my family in the Bay Area for my Grandparent's 50th Anniversary.  They had no idea that we were throwing a surprise celebration for them, and it was really wonderful to be apart of something so monumental.  

I don't get to spend as much time with my family as I'd like to, (distance being a big reason), and it's funny because, when I had them close, I didn't take advantage of them as much as I wish I had.  In fact, I couldn't wait to get out of the house upon graduating, and my seldom visits were dictated by the holidays, not my own volition.  I had this notion that the farther I went away, the less I would need them.  Even after college and moving to LA, I thought the same thing.

And then you get to see your entire family celebrating two people who've spent most of their lives together, and you feel how important they are to you, despite the gaps of time you've spent apart.  You sit down with your grandma and grandpa, and ask them for advice because they really have seen it all.  You take a beat and actually spend time with your family instead of rushing through another obligation, when you're just trying to go out with friends. 

You really see your family for the first time, and appreciate them in a brand new way you never thought you could. 

And it's really nice.

Falling In.

I get it now.  It all makes sense to me. 

It's hard to articulate something that is so abstract (even ethereal), but I think I've managed to construct a concrete understanding of what it means to be an artist. 

I started reading a book a while back called, 'The Storytelling Animal' and it goes into depth about the origins of storytelling, why we do it, and what makes it so important.  As artists, we get to be storytellers.  And the awesome part is that, we all do it in a way that is unique to us. 

This is not to say that it's an easy road.  The lifestyle of an artist is not like others, because it is not linear.  Not only do you endure the ups and downs of your own personal life, but you must do the same with your career.  There is no certainty in what we do, but that is what it's all about.  It's not about safety, and it's not about getting it right.  It's about being truthful and present, even if that means being uncomfortable.  It's about surrendering to the possibility of experiencing something you had no idea could happen; allowing yourself to be vulnerable and real, because people need that.  In fact, they crave it.  We can spend so much effort into appearing like we have it all figured out, instead of admitting what's really going on, and so we seek comfort elsewhere.  Art lets us know that we are not the only ones who feel this way, and that we are not alone.   

This is our job.  This is what we do.  And when we do it well, others welcome it gladly.  As artists, we must go to the places that no one else dares to, seek out the unknown, experience it, and then report back.  Sharing these stories is essential to our nature.  It's what makes us human.

And everyone loves a good story. 

Good Mood for Good Food

Sometimes, I find I have too much time on my hands.  This leads to baking.  And eating.  And my continued quest to find others who do the same.  If that's you, speak now, or forever hold your piece.

I'm so clever.

This weekend, I got the awesome opportunity to volunteer at KCRW's Good Food Pie Contest.  The annual event takes place at LACMA, and in it's 4th year, had over 200 entries.  Each baker entered two pies, one for judging, and one for public view/purchase, and my job was to schlep pies back and forth, all the meanwhile, wearing a cute little apron.  The work itself wasn't very difficult, and since I was part of the staff, that meant hanging out in the air conditioned loading area, where the judges were and helping out with occasional cleaning.

This year's panel included Russ Parsons (of the LA Times), Sherry Yard (of Spago), Huell Howser (a hilarious TV man, I had yet to hear of, but now adore) and a personal favorite, Joy the Baker (of Joy the Baker ).  I had no idea she would be there, and was thrilled to get to meet her, since I'm an avid follower.  If y'all don't know her yet, you should.  She's wonderfully awesome.

ONE of the FOUR tables of pie.

There were 5 categories for judging (Fruit, Savory, Creme, Nut, & Metropolis (based on Chris Burden's Metropolis II Sculpture)).  Once the judges had finished deliberating, which was a very intense session of hand-raising while still plunging forks, my real purpose came into play.  Meaning, I got to sample the remaining pies.


WARNING: The following images may invoke hunger, cravings and/or irrational behavior.  View with caution.  

Candied Mint is delicious.

Best pie, by far.

Mo Butter DOES mean Mo Better 

 You can tell, I'm a fruit gal.  Another favorite was Blueberry Lavender, which was off the charts.  And I don't use charts.  Some were kooky, like Artichoke Pie, and Shoofly Pie, and FISH Pie (I did NOT try that one).  I tried to give my love to all the bakers I could, but after a while, I began to feel the expansion that comes with eating too much food.  

As the day came to a closing, and the winners were announced, the remaining bakers came to pick up their empty pie plates.  Even though most of them hadn't won, I wanted to give them a little high-five for just being awesome.  It wasn't about the ribbon, it was just the fact they had made the effort and went for it.

After all, the proof is in the pudding.

.:Anais:.